Loving Two

A friend shared this with me via facebook and I wanted to post it here. I went through a lot of guilt about having another while Kason is still so young. Now, I see him with his little sister, even after only 10 days at home, and he is so amazingly sweet and loving and gentle with her. I know he loves his Emmy already and I cannot believe how much love God has put in my heart for both of my babies!


Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown

Introducing Miss Emily Paige Ottinger

As I'm sure you know by now, Emily Paige made her appearance January 19, 2010 at 9:08am, one day shy of her induction date.

Her Birth Story:

Monday night, I began having some painful contractions. Nothing out of the ordinary, so I took a bath, took 2 Tylenol PMs, and we went to bed around 11:30. I vaguely remember waking up a couple of times with some intense contractions and going back to sleep. Then, around 2:00am, I woke up to a contraction and couldn't fall back asleep. Ten minutes later, another very painful contraction. Six minutes later, another. Four minutes later, another. Two minutes later, another. This time, I got up to go to the restroom. I walked around the bathroom for maybe 5 minutes before I woke Kyle up and told him we needed to leave. When you have been having contractions for 10+ weeks, you get to ignore the 5-1-1 rule (contractions for 5 minutes, lasting 1 minute, for 1 hour). You also get to ignore this rule when you skip straight to contractions 2 minutes apart that are so intense you feel like you are going to have a baby on the bathroom floor.

He called our friends, Dan and Kate, to come stay with Kason and he called L&D to let them know we were on our way. I, for some strange reason, decided I should straighten my hair and put on makeup. This was not easy with contractions so intense I was moaning into a pillow (didn't want to wake Kason) every 2 minutes. Kyle kept asking me what I was doing and I don't think I was really coherent enough to answer. Finally, I realized I was being ridiculous and got dressed.

Dan and Kate arrived around 3:00am. I somehow managed to get downstairs between contractions only to crawl up onto all fours on the couch and moan into a pillow. Our friends are newly married and I really hope I did not scare them out of having children. Kyle was gathering up a few last minute things with me telling him we had to leave NOW.

We got in the car and headed to the hospital. Car rides while you are in labor are no fun! I was convinced if we didn't get to the hospital soon, I would be delivering in the car, so I insisted Kyle run all the red lights.

Around 3:30am, we arrived at the hospital. As soon as a contraction passed, I headed into the ER. Luckily, it was almost empty, so there was only one poor man that had to witness my contractions. The ER triage person so how much pain I was in so I got a free pass straight to L&D skipping triage in antepartum.

There were two nurses waiting for me upstairs. I was immediately changed into a gown and checked for progress (4-5cm dilated at this point). An IV was started and the questions and signing of papers began. I'm still not really sure what I signed. I would've signed just about anything at that point to get some pain meds. I was contracting every 2 minutes and they were PAINFUL! After about an hour, the anesthesiologist came in and Kyle had to leave the room so I could get my epidural. It was now 5am and in the hour it took to get admitted and to get my epidural, I had progressed to 7cm.

Unfortunately, this is where the song repeats from Kason's birth. The epidural did not work completely. I was left with a hot spot on my left hip and only had partial relief for about an hour, if even that long. The hot spot hurt the entire time and increased with each contraction. After a little while, the contractions were again unbearable and I was writhing, moaning, and at times, screaming in pain. Labor was progressing very quickly, but the epidural did seem to slow it down. It took 3.5 hours to go from 8-10cm and get to push. That was the worst 3.5 hours...but, we made it through. At one point, a nurse came in and said I was scaring the patient next door. I'm not really sure why she thought I would care, though. I was in pain and I bet her epidural worked.

Three different anesthesiologists came in the room that day. One to administer the epidural, one to give a bolus (that didn't do a thing), and another to give a second bolus (that also didn't do a thing). Immediately after the third anesthesiologist finished and left, my water broke and I felt immense pressure. I never felt the urge to push with Kason because he stayed so high up until my doctor used the vacuum, so this was new to me. I had just been checked before my water broke and the nurse said I still had a lip and couldn't push. My body had a mind of its own, though, and was pushing all on its own. During this time, my doctor had been in the room twice. She had just left to go to her office, but before she even made it down the hall, she turned around and came back. She came in the room and said, "Let's have a baby".

At this point, I was focused. No more screaming in pain, just pushing, waiting on my baby girl. After a few good contractions and about 10-15 minutes, Emily made her entrance into the world. She was placed on my chest and cried immediately. Such a different experience than with Kason who was whisked away by the NICU nurses and neonatologist. After a few minutes the nurse took her to clean her off a bit, suction her, and weigh her. 7lb 10.7oz and 19 inches long. We got to spend the first hour in the room with her. She nursed and Kyle and I were both able to hold her and spend time with her before she went to the nursery to be bathed.

While the pain was much more intense than with Kason and the epidural didn't work for the second time, the labor was quick and Emily was healthy, so all in all it was a great experience. We now believe that my body just doesn't respond to epidurals like most do and am leaning towards a more natural experience in the future, so I don't have to be strapped to a bed while writhing in pain.

We came home around lunchtime on Thursday. Emily is doing great...nursing like a champ and sleeping well. Fingers crossed she will keep this up. She had her first pedi appointment yesterday and is up 6oz from our discharge on Thursday. She lost 7.5oz in the hospital and is expected to be back at birth weight by 2 weeks. So, she is well on her way and then some! We go back to the pedi next Monday for another weigh-in and her second newborn screening test. Speaking of weight - my goal for this pregnancy was to stay under 30 lbs (I gained 37 with Kason). As of my last dr. appointment at 38w6d, I had gained 22 lbs and as of today, I am only 5 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight! Yay!!

Kason is adjusting fairly well. Tantrums are much more frequent, but tapering off, and he is so sweet and gentle with his baby sister. He tries to give her her paci whenever she is crying and pushes her very gently in her swing. And, when he thinks we're not looking, he will go over and wave at her and say, "Hi Emmy" in the sweetest little voice. So cute! He is a great big brother already!!!

Now for the pictures. Enjoy!

Waiting...

It is Monday, January 18. Emily will be here in 2 days, one day before her EDD. With the rush of moving to Texas from Arizona and then moving from our apartment to our new home, this pregnancy has flown by. With the preterm labor complications, stomach flu, and constant contractions, though, I am ready to be done and to meet my baby girl.

At the same time, I feel guilty...like we are taking some of Kason's babyhood away. I am sure that will wear off as I see him interact with his little sister, but for now, I am a bundle of nerves. We rarely leave him even for a night out, much less for a couple of days. I am going to miss him so much and pray that our hospital stay is short and sweet.

We tried to make this weekend, our last as a family of 3, special for Kason. Unfortunately, Saturday, we had yucky, rainy weather. We still managed to get out of the house for a while, though. We took Kason to do a little shopping and to Chick-fil-A. He loves Chick-fil-A (as do I). He gets to play with balloons, watch the kids run around, and eat chicken nuggets, french fries, and fruit. What toddler wouldn't love that?

On Sunday, we took him to Kemah. The weather was gorgeous and he had a great time! He rode the carousel a couple of times with daddy and got to watch the train go around the boardwalk. He was also happy we did not take the stroller. He got to walk, holding daddy's hand, wherever he wanted to go. He also had a blast watching the sailboats and yachts come in. Later in the evening, he hung out with our friends, Dan and Kate. He had fun playing at their house while mommy and daddy went to their last dinner alone for a while.

MawMaw gets here tomorrow. She will stay with Kason for our pre-op appointment at the hospital tomorrow and then, stay with him while we are awaiting Emily's arrival on Wednesday. I was induced with Kason and it was far from pleasant (see the beginning of my blog for details) and we are hoping for a much different experience this time.

We will update facebook once Emily makes her arrival. Your prayers are appreciated!

Christmas, Another Hospital Stay, & Progress

Where to begin...

Christmas sounds good. We had a wonderful Christmas. Santa brought Kason LOTS of toys and he loves them all (except for his beanbag chair). He got a Thomas the Tank Engine tent and tunnel that he absolutely adores and now wants to see the trains on tv all the time. We had a great time visiting with friends and family, too. Grandma O was here for a few days before Christmas and Christmas Day and my parents, brother, and his family were here for a few days after Christmas. We got to take my nephews to Kemah and even though it was so cold, they had a blast on all the rides. Kason had a blast watching and riding the carousel and train around the boardwalk. He did end up with a little cold after the holidays, but is starting to get over it now.

After Christmas, we were all set to have friends in from S.A. for New Year's Eve. My family left the morning of the 30th and friends were set to arrive the afternoon of the 31st. Wouldn't you know, though, I started having contractions 3, then 2, minutes apart the night of the 30th. They weren't too painful so I took a bath and figured they were the same ol' thing. Well, shortly after my bath, the uncontrollable vomiting began and everything spiraled downhill from there. I called my dr, who happened to be on call and she told me to come in. After some frantic preparations, we were able to meet our friend Randy at the hospital. He and his wife were nice enough to take Kason in the middle of the night and let him spend the night. Kason had a great time there playing with their little boy.

As for me, I still wasn't progressing, but we had to do something to get the nausea and vomiting under control. I had also developed a fever and Emily's heart rate was skyrocketing near 200bpm. I got dehydrated very quickly and ended up in the hospital for 2 days getting IV fluids and making sure Emily's heart rate was under control. So, after 2 days in the hospital and a couple days resting at home, I am now feeling much better!

Today, I went in for my 38 week appointment expecting nothing new. The contractions have been pretty much the same...close together and a little painful, but nothing out of the ordinary. To my surprise, though, we found out I am actually progressing now (if you do not want to read about the state of my cervix, STOP NOW!). I am 2-3cm dilated and 50% effaced. The contractions have finally started doing their job! But, as we all know, they doesn't mean a whole lot. I could still be sitting here in 2 more weeks waiting to meet Emily (and, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind going a while before seeing the inside of the hospital again). The only reason we have to believe that we will meet Emily anytime in the next few days is that I am still having contractions frequently - only about 3 minutes apart this morning - and, they are starting to work. Only time will tell what the next few days will bring.